Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
