I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
