I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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