so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
