I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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