id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
