Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
