toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
