have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
