I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
