I wish I could punch you in the face.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The Olympian is in my bed
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
