I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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