Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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