in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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