I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
