then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
