Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
