It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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