do herpes really smell.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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