I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
