she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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