After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Someone signed my nipple.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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