i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Less talking, more tequila
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
