areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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