the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
