there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
