idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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