I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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