i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
