Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
