Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
