sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
