I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
