his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
