Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
