on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
