yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
