I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
