Can Purell be used as lube?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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