she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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