She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He passed out mid-signature
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
