Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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