Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Don't make out with my wife yet
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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