Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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