Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
