You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
