I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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