So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
