Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
