she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
