It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
