So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
