yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
