You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I love you. Go after that dick
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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