there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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