...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
